Darkness sorrounds mee….
Posted on 2nd March 2006 by TaggyAs the trichy town settled down for its dusk.It lay still and sombre as it bathed in the bright moon light . The enitre was sleeping and here iam thinking at half past 1 what do i do now .This lobely soul had been thinking of this all day . I was a bright student at school , My reports cards say them . Not just that i had another dimension to my life as well. I loved writing, yes i always did that. be it those jokes of mine or narrations of my brothers marriage.I remember very well it was in th eaugust of 1995 , first time i had seen a marriage happen from close and i was captivated by the aura of it.Colourfull dresses and everyone seemd to be smiling and life was a ride.
But no this wasnt my inspiration to write , i was always with a girl called ranjani in my neighbourhood. I was in 4th std when i arrived in chennai and i was pretty much a shy guy .I still am , i used to stare at those big hoardings and long trains, and sometimes i used to be scared as well. I was afraid i would be lost.Ranjani was elder to me she was in 6th std by then and she always took me in her hands .I remember in the next 3 years of my life every step on the road for me was with her so much , when we visited my uncles house in velachery , i wasnt willing to leave until ranjani would hold up my hand and walk me across.Sometimes amma would offer me to lift while crossing the road i used to love it , but ranjani always insisted one me walking down the busy streets, one reasin i was fat enough for a thin soul like her to lift me ,and other she always told me ” kuttan remember everystep is yours” I never understood that and i thought i had forgotten that sometime ago.
I never called her akka though …the lean spectacled girl .She was my inspiration at school too. Amma was very eager on me getting to learn some music , and my escapades ended right on the first class.Ranjani always insisted me on doing things my way.Be it kicking down a tabla , playing cricket with tennis racket .It was my way of life .The first year at school was a breeze for i was always taught at home so , academics just went on and by the time results came out i was sure getting the top rank, and i did I had received 497/500 . An incredivle score when you realise that i was very poor in hindi. She had topped the class as well as we walked down to the bus stop , i was feeling so light i could have just been floating around.
That was my first taste of success and there upon i think did my journey really started .The lazy boy had seen success and he wanted more of it.
The years rolled on and we grew up in each others company i thought i never needed myparents again. one day when i was in 9th i was waiting for ranjini outside my school gate till 4:45 . I was worried iam getting late for SAMURAI teleshow. No signs of ranjini , hurriedly i ran up the school stairs.Ours was a 3 storeyed building so with all my energy i was jumping and i saw an empty classroom just the usual late guys sitting. I asked them where ranjini was and they said “she left for home someone came looking for her “
I immediately shot another question “Who came to pick her and why she didnt pick me ”
By this time they had stopped loking towards me and started doing their own job .
I was hurrying towards the bus stop and with anxious written all over my face i reached home and threw my bag over the old spring sofa that we had and ran towards raninis house and the monet i entered ranjinis amma asked wher is ranjini ?
and i knew that very moment i missed her.The wait extended and it grew dark and i could see people panic stricken. Not one friend was left everyone looking up. The night was out and sun came through still no signs of my ranjini akka . 3 days later police came knocking down the door and and they took away appa amma for some enquiry and when they returned i saw the white ambulanc rushing in to th ecolony .Everyone was gathering and i stood on top of the balcony grill . I did not even see her face all we saw was a bundle of flesh and everyone agreed it was ranjini. Police said she was found in a local gutter near vadapalani and she was raped before being murdered . And there vanished ranjini , So many years later life has gone on and i have moved to so many places ,gone to many countries been once to the US and singaopre . and i have crossed many roads without ranjini but i know everytime is ee that 7th cross Gill nagar again i know.there used to be a girl ranjini who would walk me down that roda every single day of those 3 years with a huge smile. She is no more but i have moved on .
Today as i was staring down the calender in room , iwas seeing those faces come and vanish my primary school headmistress, the greenlinings in my school in agartala ! god i never knew i could rememberthese things inlife but yes iam and the feeling is becomin heavier and heavier …
Iam in a hurry it seems to but not sure hurrying for what ? iam not sure.
May be there is a something impending … arriving soon that can wipe my traces from this world….
donteven know why iam saying this all
And as i look back may be it sthis fear of unknown that has been my inspiration to keep writing .Someday may be this would come to an end and i would want to write all that i can .
And my writings have more often than not enabled me to pass through emotionally challenging phase .Not that i have a reason to feel bad , for i really have little worries my carrer was charted long back before i even completed my schooling by people back home.For the companies that my brothers run is regsitered on my name an dits on ly a matter of time i am going to join them and anyway i have a technical career of my own .
Something thats very close to me and my personal life has always been great when u consider people i keep company .Beautiful , talented ,generous :) u name it.
Still my writing has come down and the day when iam writing down the introduction to my book i relaise may be i should dedicate the book iam writing to Ranjini ,may be thats why iam thinking about her.
Its gods way of communicating with us for memmory is all this brain of mine reacts to.
taggy — Longer the post longer u know iam thinking about someone :)
posted on March 2nd 2006Yes,Writing in itself is a medicine {As mentioned by you at my blog AKRUTI} thanku,i never stopped writing,but i had to shift the base and very few people know abt the new place.
Memories,how they haunt us at times,and how they make us live through all the emtions,run away,hide and scream but you will still be guarded by them always. Memories,are all i have today.Which makes me live a today filled in silence:)
After a long time i read a post which made me emotional.Keep writing. thanks for visiting Akruti.
posted on March 2nd 2006today i guess was jus another of those days ! and yes i loved reading through ur blog thought jus read it once :)
still liked it ! why woudl u shift place :P
http://akruti.blogspot.com right !
posted on March 2nd 2006“Why would i shift place:) Because when your blog covers your personality and grows beyond what you really are,where people come to you you start loosing the independence of writing what you feel like. We make so many friends here,so many expectations that at times it takes away the feeling and it takes away the freedom. So i had to run away from there,Only very few people know where i write now,and i stopped replying to 100s of mails which keep asking to come back,At times we need to be selfish,i know i am hurting a few genuine people doing so,but then i need to breathe to survive:) so shifted.
Yes,its http://akruti.blogspot.com
posted on March 3rd 2006memories.. be it the good ones or the bitter ones.. they always travel with you. no matter where ever you are.
posted on March 3rd 2006i hope i dont do that one day ha ha :)
taggy
posted on March 3rd 2006true thyagu .Everytime you ended up writing we love it. Great work man keepdoing and yes send the preview of the book immediately .
posted on March 4th 2006Hi Taggy,
I never knew that taggy could talk or write so much, so sensibly. Keep it up, it would have been nice if we could have known wach other better during college days, they would have been so much more fun.
Keep looking at my blog, though I keep randomly writing, I am planning to be a bit more regular than usual.
Sree
posted on March 23rd 2006I couldn’t find any words, Tag.
Beautiful one.
-Allagappan
