Jus the old wine
Today there is a all consuming urge to simply releive the world of your existence and make yourself absent from your own life No iam not contemplating suicide iam looking for a fresh begining.
As it is often said success can be burdening and sometimes the lightness of a beginer is more fruitfull than the big success sittin on top of your name.
I want to start on an similar journey till now with little differences.
To be a small child cuddling in my mothers arms ,to get ready to school for the first time (only this time iam not crying ),to see my mom get up in her cotton saree and pick me up from school every evening while i come playing in the mud,to listen to my favourite song for the first time ,to fall in love with the same girl again for the first time,to learn to get on top ofa bicycle,to wait with the old anxiety for the thing that arent new anymore,to get first rank in my primary division again ,to write my first loveletter and hide it in to my maths homework notebook,to be sent to tabla classes and being sent home the next day.and in between to meet me only ever friend indra in my primary school.
Wait why am i thinking of these ? why would i be wanting to go back to my past ?
for the only reason today iam scared of my future.the gal i befriended and probably the only one i hav for so long has left me far enough ,my voices shall not be heard.
I did get some friends but i have been a failure in hanging on to them something that made them go away from me after a while.i dont think i was bad ,probably i wasnt a good friend iam not sure and today i am not even bothered.
It was in the evening ,that my phone rang and i quitely moved out of my cabin without even hari noticing.It was my friend ,she didnot say HIneither did i .Tears came running down my cheek and i could hear she was crying too and the cal was cut by her.we didnt have anything to say,may be a bye for i dont know how many decades later i might meet her.Where in this world she might end up and i might .She asked for promises and i told her iam commited to them. It were those .
** Live like you have always lived,cheerfull and rawly honest even if it scares your so called friends.
**Never ever fall for the wrong gal.First commitedlove will have to be the last
** Study an dtake honours ,believe in what you always have never sell yyour software to become somethin else.
** In a case you find a friend a girl or a boy and you feel like you have a friend dont trouble her too much so much she decided move away for its simply a case she wud take you for just another for desperate boys seeking gals which you shall never be.
**Learn to trust people when they seem honest and show absolute no mercy to people who shall lie in tou you.
My friend looks at these and says it looks dumb probably yes ? but they are so very relevant to me .
There was something very special about her and her friendship
You always have people around you in your best times,so did i .But she could read more ,she could read my fears.
My heart sinks everytime i think of her name .No its not love not by any means .I would say absolute fondness.Something i nurtured for two more people.Rini and one more person.and they can tell you i never tried to fall in love with them.My admiration and fondness for them has helped me weed out almost every bit of indifference we have had.
Today as i look back at my life i see hollow! and there is a deep fear for there are notmany people i like to lean on to and there are even lesser people who wouldnt mind me wanting their shoulders.
No tears any more just a waiting anticipation whats gonna arrive .As the dawn breaks in tommorow i am surely not going to be a child again but i will have a life both personal and proffessional to manage on my own and i also have to keep myself away from all thsoe friends who desire to be kept away.
Inever inteded to write anything personal in this blog here for it laid me naked ! but today there is this huge wave of fear of the unknown iam driving myself down
yes sometimes when you get this message “catchy you later busy here ” you feel ignored and you are probabl wrong but i
I do know everyone has a life to live and problems to solve and its unfair if iam asking for an unfair amount of yur time and life but when i pormise to hold on to you every second of your life why cant i ask for the same ?
| Rini: hmm haan yaartagga………..Rini willl always be there re…. for u…even if i cant mail u much frm mumbai..u can call whnever u want to …! whnever u need to talk… awww mera baccha….. me: :)i kno wyaar ! Rini: main kitni bhi busy rahu…. chaanta maarke waapas kheench lena ok? me: bus man hi nahi ahain! sometimes its just heavy when ur so Rini: hmm… but sometimes it hapens unknowingly if tats the case…js tell me u need to talk ok? kabhi aisa mat karna… me: i know :)every1 has a life to live and problems to solve Rini: ki main busy hu.to tu soche…ki main ignore kar rahi hu ok? always remmeber this! me: i shudnty be askin for an unfair amount if time ! share Rini: hmm ya… no re frens deserve all that one can give |
God bless my rini ! still need a reason why i call her my goddess :)thanks for reminding me u will be there !
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